Greetings on this the Friday of the Nineteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Readings: Ez 16:1-15, 60, 63; Isaiah 12:2-3, 4bcd, 5-6; Mt 19:3-12
Marriage and Divorce
On a topic so personal, it is not without discernment what to write to such a broad audience and people with such vastly different experiences regarding divorce.
Jesus answers the question is a uniquely beautiful way. A person would need to discern ‘incapable’ or ‘renounce for the Kingdom’ but that is a personal growth and discernment
Categorical
- From the beginning, the Creator made them male and female and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh – this is the normative situation. Most are capable of this, but not all.
- Some are born incapable of marriage – thus such persons shouldn’t. The LORD grants you the understanding.
- Some were made incapabile of marriage – thus this person shouldn’t. The LORD grants you the understanding.
- Some renounce marriage for the Kingdom – a gift of self offered for the building up of the Kingdom of God. The LORD grants you the understanding.
Whether a person is ready to leave and become one with another is a personal decision. Those incapable should avoid marriage as they would be harmed and would harm others by the effort. Those who renounce marriage set their eyes on loftier gains. To marry is to express the Other of myself as important and integral to my Self.
As to the great majority of people, the warning of Ezekiel has a stinging effect. But you were captivated by your own beauty, you used your renown to make yourself a harlot, and you lavished your harlotry on every passer-by, whose own you became. To be captivated means to be bewitched by the attraction of the Self and to hold your interest of only Self. To be captivated means to lose sight of the Otherness of our being. In Ezekiel’s warning the Other has become an Object to be used.
Summary
Our beauty comes from the Lord. We are made in the image of God and called to his likeness. This is the ultimate definition of beauty. In human marriage we are called to the ‘likeness’ of unitary love as we can see in the Trinitarian love of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Thus marriage is an imitation, a likeness, and a human manifestation of divinity. It is a most powerful and universal example of the shared nature of the divine.
Reflection
The grief of divorce is second only to the grief of the death of a loved one and sometimes literally equal in effect. Jesus’ appeal is to avoid the hardheartedness that brings about this outcome. IF we combine hardheartedness with Ezekiel’s ‘captivated beauty’ we come to the same place. If I judge another by my self interests only I am captivated by myself and have hardened my heart to the needs of another.
Personal Reflection
Universal principles are essential guideposts. Contrasting principles bring clarity to meaning and purpose. Experience brings heartfelt responses of whatever type. Divorce is tragic however it comes about and nobody deems it a requirement to be in perpetual torture.
But, and this is the big but:
- Am I captivated by my own self-interest?
- Am I hardhearted as to not see the Other of Myself?
Those are the hard questions. Only you can answer them.
Sacred Readings
Full text: https://bible.usccb.org/bible/readings/081624.cfm
First Reading
But you were captivated by your own beauty, you used your renown to make yourself a harlot, and you lavished your harlotry on every passer-by, whose own you became.
Responsorial
You have turned from your anger.
Gospel Acclamation
Receive the word of God, not as the word of men, but, as it truly is, the word of God.
Gospel
Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.
Peace be with you,
Deacon Gerry
Marriage is hard but divorce can often be harder.
Yes, life is hard. Pick your hard. I like that saying.
My parents divorced when I was 7 , I was lucky to have a big warm family around anyway but always wanted a “traditional” family for my kids . Keep a marriage go can be hard work and requires compromise like the rest of life, but it worth it . I think sometimes divorces are inevitable but some others people give up too easily.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The big warm family kept the hopes for a healthy marriage burning brightly. You’re so right, many should try a little more.